pelaaja
she/her
Be who you needed when you were young.
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Austin van Wyck & Crispin van Wyck
Emerald Ranch
20.5.1890
Austin oli lähtenyt, jälleen kerran, ovet paukkuen kaksikerroksisesta omakotitalosta. Hän oli riidellyt, jälleen kerran, isänsä kanssa, ties kuinka monetta kertaa sillä viikolla. Ja kuten aina, Charles repi talon etuoven auki tullessaan jatkamaan huutamista esikoiselleen. Edes samasta tilasta poistuminen ei ollut tarpeeksi keskeyttämään myrkyllistä riitaa, mutta Austin jatkoi matkaansa isästään piittaamatta. Hän ei enää jaksanut vastata isälleen – se oli turhaa, ajan- ja hengenhukkaa. Hän kulki pikaisin askelin pihan puutarhan läpi isä yhä hänen perässään räyhäten, ja hyppäsi talon takana kulkevan piha-aidan ylitse. Charles ei ikänsä puolesta voinut niin vain hyppiä aitojen yli, joten vanhempi mies sen sijaan nojasi aitaan käsillään ja iski nyrkkiään puun karheaa pintaa vasten.
”Austin, get your ass back in here! I am not done talking!” Charles huusi poikansa kaikkonevalle selälle.
Vielä hetken räyhättyään ukko palasi itsekin ovet paukkuen takaisin taloon tajuttuaan ettei Austin enää kuunnellut, potkaistuaan ensin viatonta piha-aitaa suutuspäissään.
Austinin jalat kantoivat häntä tottuneesti kohti karjatilan takana olevaa, parin kivenheiton päässä sijaitsevaa rauhallista mäkistä aluetta, jonne karjatilan elon ja eläinten äänet eivät kantaneet. Muuten aukealla alueella oli keväisen sateen jäljiltä muutamia kuivahtaneita lätäköitä, ja niiden lähellä erikokoisia isoja kiviä, joiden kuivalle pinnalle oli kiitos vaaleiden lehtipuiden vehreiden oksien tuoman suojan. Austin istahti yhdelle kivistä, täysin omiin ajatuksiinsa uppoutuneena. Paikalla jo valmiiksi ollut pikkuveli siis jäi huomaamatta kiukkuiselta isoveljeltä, joka tuijotti vihan ja pettymyksen sekaisesta tunnemyllerryksestään huolimatta karjatilan suuntaan.
Esikoiseksi syntynyt mies kirosi parhaillaan mielessään isäänsä, syntymäänsä ja kasvuympäristönsä pakotteita. Mies asetti kyynärpäänsä reisiään vasten ja hautasi kasvonsa käsiinsä. Isäukko oli koittanut kaikki nämä vuodet koittanut luoda esikoisesta nuorempaa, parempaa kuvaa itsestään, mikä ei (tietenkään) ollut onnistunut. Jääräpäisen luonteen omaava nuori mies pisti isälleen ja tämän ideoille hanttiin minkä töiltään ehti, ja vasta viimeisten vuosien aikana Charles oli tajunnut vaihtaa kritiikin kohdetta pojansa luonteesta ja käytöksestä tämän työnjälkeen ja nuorempiin sisaruksiin. Vaikka ukko tekikin itse paljon töitä ja tila kärsisi isännän sairastumisesta tai vastaavasta, toivoi hänen esikoisensa hartaasti, että ukko potkaisisi pian tyhjää.
Austin huokaisi syvään, selvästi hyvin turhautuneena. Hän tiesi kuoleman toivomisen toiselle olevan ivallista, mutta antoi horjuvan mielentilansa vuoksi asian itselleen anteeksi. Hän hieraisi käsillään kasvojaan ja nojautui sitten poskellaan vasemman käden rystysiään vasten, toinen käsi nyrkissä olevaa kämmentä lukuunottamatta rennosti sylissä. Hänen katseensa kävi läheisen lätäkön pinnassa, josta näki omat, vihaiset kasvonsa. Hän tuhahti tilanteen ironialle, ja siirsi katseensa muualle, mäen alapäähän. Mies katseli tilan suuntaan, kasvoillaan välinpitämätön ilme. Hänellä menisi hyvä tovi rauhoittua, ja vielä pidempi tovi saada itsensä takaisin töihin. Isäänsä hän ei halunnut nähdä edes vilaukselta, vaikka tiesikin, ettei toive toteutuisi. Hän aikoi kuitenkin vältellä äijänkäppänää ainakin illalliseen asti hiljaisen protestin muodossa, ihan vain periaatteesta. |
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ylläpitäjä
he/him
don't you like it bigger, better but you do what you can
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The quiet spot just a little ways towards the overflow always treated one after a long day at the ranch. Isaac's path seemed to quite often lead to a specific rock close enough to a tree where he could rest his back against the bark. On top of being quite comfortable, it was faced away from the ranch, providing just enough cover so that it was difficult to spot someone sitting on the rock when headed to the spot from the ranch. More importantly, though, it provided a view without the ranch in sight. A visual reminder of home whenever Isaac wanted to take a break from the busy life on the ranch wasn’t exactly welcome. Not that his attention was on his surroundings, being immersed in the book in his hands. Frilly fantasy, his father would call it, but it had Isaac turning page after another without lifting his eyes off the book.
The visual cover the tree trunk provided Isaac proved to work when the sound of footsteps approaching caught his attention. Isaac tensed a bit, perking his ears as he focused on the sound. How long had he been out here? Did someone miss him back at the ranch, coming here to look for him? He’d rather not let anyone know about one of his favorite—well, he wouldn’t call it a hiding spot, but that was essentially what it was. He could always rely on finding some peace and quiet here, and he wasn’t enthusiastic about letting that go.
Yet the footsteps didn’t find their way to him. Peeking around the tree after the sound stopped, Isaac noticed the slumped form of his oldest brother on one of the nearby rocks. Apparently he wasn’t the only one of the siblings who sought peace here, perhaps unsurprisingly, considering how close the spot was to the ranch. The way Austin hung his head didn’t leave much to wonder. There were few reasons that would leave Austin this upset—Isaac had a sneaking suspicion that their father had something to do with the state Austin was in. Closing the book he had been reading and abandoning it on the rock he had been sitting on, Isaac hopped up from his seat, careful steps making their way to the miserable form in front of him.
“Hey,” Isaac called out gently, not wanting to spook Austin. The last thing he wanted to do was make him even more miserable. He relied on his intuition on what had happened, and continued: “What’d he do this time?” Though Isaac's question was quite direct, his tone wasn’t demanding. Instead, he intended the question as more of an invitation to air out any grievances.
“Not that you have to tell me if you don’t want to”, Isaac added, just in case the soft tone he had taken didn’t come across the way he intended.
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pelaaja
she/her
Be who you needed when you were young.
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Though Austin had his gaze set upon the ranch, his mind was elsewhere. And though he tried to keep his expression calm, his true feelings were easily betrayed by his furrowed brows and clenched jaw. His blue eyes had a fire in them, fueled by his rage and deep resentment. He had many improper thoughts passing through his mind and he was almost tempted to act upon them too. Yet Austin forced himself to exhale, to relax and to let his rage pass, as he had done many times before. He rubbed his brows with a thumb like he was trying to hide the fact that he was angry. But what for? There was no one nearby. He could spit and cuss out his father as much as he wanted… yet he couldn’t. Having never been able to do so due to being conditioned to think that filial piety was important and acting against his father’s word was wrong, he felt quite lost with himself. There was nowhere to release the pent up negative feelings, so once again, he had to bottle them all up and seal the lid.
Austin almost jumped out of his seat when he heard a voice from behind. He tensed up and whisked his head around at the speed of light… almost. As soon as he realized he was staring at Crispin, one of his younger siblings, he sighed. And here he had thought that someone had come to beat him up. Or worse yet, kill him in broad daylight.
”Christ, you scared me. I didn’t know you were here”, Austin said, a familiar nagging tone in his voice. He sighed again and leaned his head against his knuckles once more. This time however, he was calm. No clenched jaw, no furrowed brows and certainly no fire in his eyes. Nothing in his demeanor gave away even a hint of the misery he suffered from earlier.
As Crispin queried about their father’s – quite often repeated – offences, Austin realized his little brother had seen him, the eldest brother, wallowing in misery. He lifted his head and gestured broadly towards the ranch, the fire in his eyes lit up once more. He huffed, annoyed.
”What didn’t he do?” Austin hissed, ”The bas-- our esteemed father has decided to skip spending even a cent more on much needed repairs. He said we could replace the rotten and weathered sideboards of the cattle barn and the store with leftover lumberjack wood. Leftover! Wood! He is mad. We’ve been talking about the repairs for months. And he promised to get it sorted out. But lo and behold, he didn’t keep his word. He never does.”
After he was done complaining, Austin fell quiet for a moment. He was seething, although airing out his grievances helped him some. His heart didn’t feel as heavy, and he felt his ire cool down quicker than it had before. His bell of conscience was ringing, however. And it was ringing loudly.
”Fucking spineless bastard”, the eldest son mumbled uncharacteristically after he was done brooding. Austin ignored the bell ringing deep within, and instead he shifted his gaze from the homestead to his younger brother. ”So, what were you lurking around here for? I’m fairly certain I gave you tasks to do at breakfast this morning.” |
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ylläpitäjä
he/him
don't you like it bigger, better but you do what you can
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Isaac hummed in acknowledgement as Austin recalled the tale of the argument that had unfolded with their father. Nothing new, in fact, it seemed a bit tame compared to what Isaac knew the man was capable of. Yet he understood Austin’s frustration with the situation, fed up with all the shit their father spewed on his children.
“That’s him alright”, Isaac muttered as Austin’s tale of the argument drew to its conclusion—their father trying to cut corners when it came to saving money, directly going against his words. The silence stretched out as Austin’s words properly sank in. Was there anything you could trust their father to keep his word with? Not when it came to money, at the very least.
When the silence was finally broken by Austin’s annoyed huffing, Isaac almost let out a laugh at the way his brother spoke of their father. Just almost, though, as he managed to stifle it. It wouldn’t be appropriate to laugh at such harsh words about their father, even though deep down—or rather just under the surface of all the feigned respect for his elders, Isaac wholeheartedly agreed.
The change of topic was almost as unexpected as the badmouthing Austin had done, though Isaac wasn’t taken by surprise unlike moments before. He had a reason for not being at the ranch, instead of having to come up with an excuse.
“I’m done for the day”, Isaac informed, smiling a bit. “It didn’t take too long.” Though it wasn’t exactly the whole truth. Uncharacteristically restless fingers found each other as Isaac wrung his hands a bit as he debated whether or not he wanted to tell the reason for why he was done with his tasks so early. It wasn’t exactly a bad reason, but Isaac couldn’t help the slightest twinge of shame, yet he let go of it with a gentle sigh, the air dragging out from his lungs with a rasp that had been a near constant companion yet again for quite a while.
“And, well…ma insisted on helpin’ me out. You know how she is.” The coddling Isaac got from his mother especially whenever Isaac hadn’t been feeling too well was often frustrating, yet this time Isaac hadn’t turned down the help. An all-consuming exhaustion had been plaguing him recently, and perhaps the constant sniffling had something to do with it. The arrival of warmer weather always seemed to bring with it all kinds of trouble. Yet his struggles were left unsaid, though even Isaac was aware that he couldn’t exactly hide them from his family. No matter how much he tried to act like he was doing fine, it was as if everyone saw right through it.
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pelaaja
she/her
Be who you needed when you were young.
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Austin stared at his brother, not saying a word. His sickly younger brother had already done that list of tasks? While he was glad Crispin was able to complete said tasks, Austin stopped himself from giving praise. And for good reason too, since his brother’s next words stopped him in his tracks. Austin tensed up, curling his fingers into a fist briefly. He straightened out his fist, and rubbed the open palm on his knee, like he was getting rid of dirt or sweat.
”I see,” the eldest responded calmly. There always was a chance of Amanda helping out her feeble son, but as Austin had not heard his stepmother helping Crispin with his tasks around the ranch for some time, Austin had thought she had decided to let his son grow in peace. But no, Austin had been wrong.
He didn’t blame his younger brother for accepting help, and as he quietly listened to Crispin’s raspy breath, he soon realized why he had accepted the help. Of course, Austin made no mention of this, and simply smiled at his brother.
”I am glad you got the tasks done anyways. I’ve tried to keep them light so you could slowly increase your strength and endurance… but I guess Amanda doesn’t see it that way,” Austin sighed.
He had fallen prey to his thoughts once again after speaking. He was going to have a word with his stepmother. He had talked to her and with her about the amount of help she should provide to Crispin time and time again, but she was adamant about offering to give her son a hand whenever she felt like it.
Austin took a glance towards the ranch, and focused on Crispin again after.
”So, how have you been spending your free time then?” the eldest son asked as he took a good look around him, before resting his eyes upon his brother once more. ”You’re a bit too far from the safety of the ranch, though. I would advise you to stay a bit closer to the homestead… but I also can’t blame you for seeking quiet and solitude.”
Austin smiled again, in a reassuring manner. ”I’m just worried. I hope you can see some sense in my words – I’m not here to nag at you.” |
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ylläpitäjä
he/him
don't you like it bigger, better but you do what you can
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Apparently Austin didn’t exactly like the fact that Isaac's mother had offered a helping hand, even though he didn’t exactly let it show. Yet Isaac picked up on the subtle signs, a tiny bit of shame twinging through Isaac's mind. Had he been in the wrong for not declining the help his mother had offered? Was he nothing but a disappointment to his family, unable to pull his weight around the farm? Austin even mentioned trying to keep Isaac's workload light, and he hadn’t even managed to meet the lowered expectations that had been set for him.
“I know”, Isaac replied with a sigh at the mention of the light tasks he had been given. Though Austin did not seem angry or frustrated, Isaac still picked up that his brother wasn’t exactly happy with how things had been handled. Making a mental note, Isaac would make sure that he’d try to do better tomorrow.
Yet Austin’s view on Isaac being able to handle his responsibilities apparently did not extend to him venturing outside the ranch for a while. Isaac couldn’t imagine what Austin thought could happen to him barely half a mile from home—he was perfectly safe here, and more importantly in peaceful solitude.
”I am grown, I can take care of myself”, Isaac muttered, turning his gaze from his brother. Everyone around him seemed to think he was incapable of being out on his own. He wasn’t some little kid who needed a constant watchful eye on him. Though perhaps ironically he was shorter than some of his younger siblings, and all of them were probably twice as strong as he was. Still—or perhaps exactly because of that—Isaac was tired of all the coddling. He just wanted to do something on his own, and if it was just venturing out a little ways from the farm, it’d be enough for him.
“I just want to read in peace. Get away from all the…” Isaac sighed, unable to find the right words to describe what he was running away from by coming here. It was difficult to criticize the life they had at home, considering how they’d been conditioned into not speaking ill of their family.
“Noise, I guess”, he settled on muttering, everything about the pressure and tension he sensed back home staying unsaid.
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